Emotionally Unavailable

Emotions, they say, are a subjective state of mind. They are a function of a plethora of ingredients that include your metabolism, your hormones, your current circumstances, your past experiences and many others. Everyone has them, but not everyone is willing to acknowledge them. And, especially with the newer generation, the number of people not willing to acknowledge and express their emotional state is very high. These people are, what you call, emotionally unavailable.


Everyone has a relation where they express their hearts out, only to hear a ‘hmmm’ in return. It can be a friend, a lover, a sibling. Sometimes people do it so that they keep holding an upper hand in the relation, sometimes they do it out of pride and sometimes simply out of the fact that they are only looking for tangible returns from a relation, and not a bond. But most often, people do it because they believe that if they express their emotional vulnerabilities, they will lose respect in the eyes of the other person, and the dynamics of the relationship might get reversed.

Hence they remain emotionally aloof. So delayed and one word replies become a common occurrence. An emotionally unavailable person will not even give you your basic needs in a relation, like love, care, concern and respect. They would avoid deeper topics in a conversation. They would refrain from revealing their personal life, their personal history, or their troublesome past. Relatives, work, family etc will become everyday excuses to avoid having meaningful conversations.

Essentially, if you too are looking for just getting back your investments, there is no harm in going forward with emotionally unavailable individuals. But there are perils attached to them. Emotionally unavailable won’t blink before moving out of relationships, they won’t care about your hurt, they can cheat easily because there was no commitment from their side in the first place. If you are ready to bear these, it is fine to move ahead with such individuals.

But for someone who feels deeply, such people can be harmful. If you trust and like to be trusted, you will be pinched each day. If you think you deserve to be loved, you will be deeply hurt. You will be controlled, manipulated and used. And then those people will move on to newer experiences.

There is a certain idea that is being propagated in a subverted manner in the world of today, the idea that in order to be strong, you need to be emotionally unavailable. It’s rubbish. It is converting humans into robots. Ones who just like to tick boxes, instead of having experiences. Those that are looking to capture moments instead of living them. Those for whom every relationship is a transaction, for whom intimacy is just sex, for whom emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

Stop Attracting That! Emotional unavailability is not something to be flexed, it is a sign of low EQ, a lack of moral responsibility and an escapist attitude. If you value and respect your own self, try to move away from emotionally unavailable people in life, and instead, look for those who are willing to bare their souls and look into yours. Cause your self worth is too high a price to pay to be with anyone.

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